So following this weeks dating theme our new love doctor WP will be answering a question that women commonly ask. “Can I trust this guy?”. If you have any dating dilemmas you can email Jdperspective@gmail.com. Questions will be treated anonymously. Also for those of you who think I write this stuff YOU would be very wrong! WP and JD are close guy friends of mine who have kindly decided to share some dating secrets men don’t want you to know! So get you pen and start writing in.
Dear Lanky Girl,
How can you tell if the man you are with is really married? I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3months. Its been a whirlwind of a romance but I’m starting to become suspicious that he is too good to be true. He works for the same company but in their international department so he is travelling a lot. He never answers his phone in the evenings and whenever I ask him what he was doing he says he was with a client. I’ve never been to his flat as he always suggests we spend time at mine. He also only ever wants to go to the same places in West London. Am I being paranoid? I am wondering what signs I should be looking for?
No, i do not think you are being paranoid! This guy is obviously hiding something, either that, or he just does not take you seriously at all.
If he works for the same company as you, can you not make some discreet enquiries? or just Google him, it’s amazing what comes up on any of us.
Speak to him and say you want him to cook you dinner for a change (or if he objects you will cook) but it must be at his place. If he doesn’t like the idea find out why? Say to him, it’s very very important to you that you can imagine him at home when you are not together, and anyway, you want to know him inside out and that includes his home life.
Also, ask for his number at home, just for emergencies, and home address, say you want to send him something as a surprise.
Finally, chat to him about his friends, and then say it would be great if you and him could go out with his best friend and girlfriend/wife/partner as a foursome for dinner. Does he look comfortable with this idea? Say you want to see all sides of him, which includes his friends.
Essentially, for anyone dating, if after 3 months of semi-serious dating you haven’t been to his place (and been allowed to drop in at short notice in the future) met some of his friends (or even family) and been able to telephone him at any time of the evening (never trust a guy that says they prefer to just text!) they are hiding something. It doesn’t necessarily mean he is married, but he is definitely holding back in the relationship for some reason.
Resolve your doubts quickly Susannah.