Tag Archives: dating

Dating A Workaholic – The Love Doctor Answers

Dear Love Doctor,

 So here is my problem. I recently met a lovely guy who I am reluctant to admit I am smitten with. He seems to be a great catch, kind and funny and fit to boot. However, there is the problem that he does seem to be a bit of a workaholic. He is launching a new business which takes up all of his time and he works 7 days a week. He did admit to me that it would be very difficult to make time to see me.What do you think should i really try to date this guy when he doesn’t have time to see me?

 Jennifer

Dear Jennifer,

Thanks for your letter, but this really does seem a bit of a no brainer doesn’t it?

You say you are smitten and what a great catch he is… but don’t say how he feels, although his lack of enthusiasm to see you seems a little evident surely, and anyway, how great a catch is a guy that cant make time for you? Not that great in the long term I would suspect.

My advice is simple, sit down with this guy and have a frank conversation with him. He either makes time for you in his busy work/life schedule or you walk away, its as simple as that, as I suspect you are just setting yourself up to get hurt.

However busy he is, if he sees something in you, as you do in him, he will make that time, and that’s proper time, not just a little casual affair time. If he can’t or wont, then you now know how he feels and views you and your potential for the future. Good luck

WP

 

He had no teeth… Internet Dating Story

I’ve been encouraged by my friends to share this internet dating story. For comedy value I am willing to tell my readers about my date with “mr no teeth”. It all started after I mentioned to a work colleague that I had been single for a number of months. He suggested that I sign up to OK Cupid a free dating site that lots of “young and creative people are using”.  So I thought well I have nothing to lose, why not? The first few days I got lots of  messages from the good, the bad and downright fugly. Actually most were fugly. I was about to delete my profile when I received an interesting message from a guy without a picture. That should have rung alarm bells in my head.

However his first message was very witty, he said he was 35, owned his own business and said he didn’t have a picture on his profile because of the sensitive nature of his work. After a few messages he emailed me a pic. It was small, grainy and I could just make out what he looked like (about average looking) even though the picture wasn’t amazing I thought “well he seems nice I will give him a chance”.

What followed after that was a week of back and forth email ping-pong. We arranged finally to meet  for a cocktail after work one evening. Now, I must admit two things that should have made alarm bells ring in my head. Firstly when he jokingly said he was rubbish in bed and secondly when he wouldn’t send me another picture due to not being “techy minded”. How naive I was! LOL.

So came the date, I was all made up and ready knock him dead. We arranged to meet at Liverpool Street. As I came up the stairs I saw him waiting. Ah the disappointment! He was at least 10 years older than he said and not attractive. We greeted each other and I tried to hide my horror when he opened his mouth to say hi. I noticed to my horror that he had no teeth! I was speechless… Now some people would have walked away at this point but I guess I am just too nice. We proceeded to head to Be at one for some cocktails. Thank God we hadn’t agreed on dinner. For an hour a half he witted on about work and I had on repeat “why doesn’t this dude have any teeth?!! Run! I couldn’t bring myself to ask even though I was dying to know. I think to be honest I was just peeved by the fact he lied about his age too 35…my foot! Anyway, eventually unable to take anymore I feigned tiredness and retreated home.  To be fair he was a really nice person and I kind of felt bad for him. However as my friend pointed out if you are as successful as he claimed to be you can afford to get cosmetic dentistry! If I’ve learned anything from this experience it is always ask for pictures and free dating sites attract some weird people!

P.S The only highlight of this date was the amazing ice cream cocktails we had a Be at one.

Free-for-all-to-attend Lovestruck Laissez Faire Drinks – Review

So yesterday a friend and I made our way to Shoreditch for the Lovestruck London’s mass mingle of singles in the Hoxton Pony. My friend had convinced me that this would be different from other singles events, as there would be no silly games to be played or speed dates. The way that it works is, that if you are single and don’t mind being approached you take a red straw for your drink. We got there around 6.30pm and the bar was fairly quiet, looking around it seemed to be mostly women. Oh dear.. I thought, guess its going to be short dip in the pool then. We got our cocktails, sat down and an hour later the bar was packed!

Looking around we didn’t see many red straws about. Maybe most of the people there were afraid to take one as we were haha! Most of the men there I have to say were either in their  late 30’s or simply not to our tastes but it was interesting to watch the unfolding connections around us. We did see two guys who I’ve nicknamed tag team, who spent the night helping each other to collect numbers. So all in all it wasn’t a bad night. I think that I would go again and it does seem like a cool, low key way to meet people. Maybe next time I will have the courage to pick up a red straw.

Dear WP how can I spot a commitment phobic man?

http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mbc/lowres/mbcn2038l.jpg

Today’s question is  fairly common one that comes up when talking to my female friends.  Just how can a girl get a guy to commit? Well hopefully our love doctor can give us insight into why some men come on strong before running away. If you have any questions for our resident love doctor WP you can email them at jdperspective@gmail.com all questions will be posted on the blog but names will remain anonymous.

Dear WP,

 How can I stop attracting commitment phobic men! It’s been 5 years since I actually had a proper boyfriend and frankly I am fed up with meeting guys who convince me that they really like me only for when I start to push for something a little bit more serious they either decide that they just want to be friends or that “they aren’t ready for a relationship”.

I don’t know if it’s me but I can’t seem to keep a man interested long enough to become a boyfriend. Help!

Symone

 Our love doctor’s answer will appear in tomorrow’s post however the floor is open for any comments or answers to this dilemma.

What is my guy hiding?

So following this weeks dating theme our new love doctor WP will be answering a question that women commonly ask. “Can I trust this guy?”. If you have any dating dilemmas you can email Jdperspective@gmail.com. Questions will be treated anonymously. Also for those of you who think I write this stuff YOU would be very wrong! WP and JD are close guy friends of mine who have kindly decided to share some dating secrets men don’t want you to know! So get you pen and start writing in.

Dear Lanky Girl,

How can you tell if the man you are with is really married? I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3months. Its been a whirlwind of a romance but I’m starting to become suspicious that he is too good to be true. He works for the same company but in their international department so he is travelling a lot. He never answers his phone in the evenings and whenever I ask him what he was doing he says he was with a client. I’ve never been to his flat as he always suggests we spend time at mine. He also only ever wants to go to the same places in West London. Am I being paranoid? I am wondering what signs I should be looking for?

Susannah.


Dear Susannah

No, i do not think you are being paranoid! This guy is obviously hiding something, either that, or he just does not take you seriously at all.

If he works for the same company as you, can you not make some discreet enquiries? or just Google him, it’s amazing what comes up on any of us.

Speak to him and say you want him to cook you dinner for a change (or if he objects you will cook) but it must be at his place. If he doesn’t like the idea find out why? Say to him, it’s very very important to you that you can imagine him at home when you are not together, and anyway, you want to know him inside out and that includes his home life.

Also, ask for his number at home, just for emergencies, and home address, say you want to send him something as a surprise.

Finally, chat to him about his friends, and then say it would be great if you and him could go out with his best friend and girlfriend/wife/partner as a foursome for dinner. Does he look comfortable with this idea? Say you want to see all sides of him, which includes his friends.

Essentially, for anyone dating, if after 3 months of semi-serious dating you haven’t been to his place (and been allowed to drop in at short notice in the future) met some of his friends (or even family) and been able to telephone him at any time of the evening (never trust a guy that says they prefer to just text!) they are hiding something. It doesn’t necessarily mean he is married, but he is definitely holding back in the relationship for some reason.

Resolve your doubts quickly Susannah.

WP

Single in the city…

It’s funny how one week you are thinking how wonderful the single life is (me last week) and then the next you are thinking isn’t it about time you met someone! It’s funny because many of my girlfriends are feeling quite similar so we have decided to do something about it and get meeting some men! A friend who lives outside London said to me over the phone the other day that it was weird that in London people have to come up with new and weird ways to meet others. So true! with over 7 million people you would think it would be easy to meet a bloke in this city. (I blame our tendency to not talk to each other). Anyway it’s not about meeting any guy..its about meeting the “right” guy. After trying internet dating last year I’ve decided to stick to real life as most men online seemed to be cut from the same cloth. The “I don’t have time to date properly so I will go online and find a shag cloth”…sigh… NEXT! Not that I am saying that people haven’t met their future mates online. Just prefer things a little more spontaneous. Anyway before I go off on one, just what are the options for singles in this city we live in? Here I list some ways to meet guys that doesn’t include speed dating!

Take a flirt tour

The tube especially is a goldmine for candy, eye candy that is.. but who is brave or crazy enough to take those eye connections to the next level. Meet Jean Smith a Flirtologist who reckons she can transform you into a flirt expert. “Learn the ʻthree methods of attackʼ, which are three ways to meet anyone, and practice using them at London institutions such as Galleries, and even supermarkets. Catch the sights of London while at the same time learning how to catch the sight of a potential partner”.

For more information and to book a tour visit http://www.flirtology.co.uk/london-flirting-walking-tours

Meddlers Of Honor

So what is a meddler? Well I would describe it as a person who  facilitates introductions with people who have expressed an interest in each other.  Meddlers events happen once a month and are basically a large informal parties where everyone is single and the ratio of men to women is equal. Basically if you see a guy you like you can get one of the Meddlers to help make an introduction. No tacky games just people meeting other people. Beware! tickets sell out quickly.

For more information and to book tickets visit http://www.meddlersofhonour.com/

Citysocialising

Citysocialising is a website that people can post meetups and invite others to come along. It is sold primarily as a friendship site but with the sheer volume of events you can choose from there is every chance that you will meet someone nice at one. They often also organise Mass mingles a great place to make new friends. A good site to use  if you just moved to the city and don’t know many people yet.

For more information visit http://london.citysocialising.com/home.html

Mysinglefriend Parties

Basically the way this works is you throw a party with the instructions that everyone who comes must bring a single friend. Simple! Let the sparks fly!

DISCLAIMER! this may fail if all your friends only have female friends!

So will I be trying any of these routes? Well we will have to see as I see myself retreating back to single bliss while uni is so full on….

Reminiscing…Trip to Paris

Continuing the holiday theme this week I was looking through my holiday snaps from a couple of years ago when a friend and I spent a lovely weekend in Paris. It was my first trip to the city and for someone who is a self-confessed francophile It lived up to everything that I imagined. It even inspired me to make a very short video advertising Dating direct LOL. Okay I am not going to pretend that I have a career in advertising ahead of me, but it was good fun. I must try to take a quick trip across the channel this year!

Dear JD, I feel like my boyfriend is sponging off me..

Dear JD,

I feel weird writing this but I hoping that you could help me. I am a 29-year-old qualified solicitor and I’ve been seeing this lovely guy for just over 3 years now. Last year we decided to move into together. We get on very well on most levels except the fact that we recently have been arguing a lot over money. Since I earn more than he does (he is  a gardener) I tend to pay the bulk of the expenses at home the bills etc.. but recently I feel like he is taking me for granted. He never takes me out for meals any more and spends most of his money on video games and complains he is always skint. I don’t want to lose him but how can I get him to pay me more attention?

Elsa, Brighton.


Dear Elsa,

My advice Elsa is this. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him exactly what’s on your mind, he doesn’t know how you feel, he probably thinks everything is just fine. Men are often oblivious creatures so you need to spell out the situation to him. Your financial  situation is more complex, do you have bank account together? Maybe get one and both contribute proportionally to what you earn. Don’t let this issue become divisive in your relationship. It’s really not that important. Communicate, and it will be cool.
Good luck.

JD.

Got a dating question? Want a guy’s perspective? Email: jdperspective@gmail.com

Happy New Year! and Welcome to my new blog

Welcome to my new blog! The London Perspective is my personal take on life as a twenty-something in London. I will also be relaunching the lankybutnotmanky blog as a weekly calendar of things to do in London. Hopefully there will be something for everyone.

So what can you expect from reading my “perspective” well just my honest truth! I am also participating in dailypost to encourage myself not to fall of the blogging wagon!

A wise old man I met recently told me that 26 is an age of great change in a women’s life. I SURE hope so! I feel like I am constantly waiting for my life to begin, but I have come to realise that I will only get out what I put in. It is time to make things happen for myself.

Reflections on 2010

  1. Craiglist is not the place to meet men. Although I met some interesting people via this route, most of them fell into one  these categories;  commitment-phobic, sexual deviant, stalker types, think I’m hot but I’m not, secretly married and seeking a fling. (So time to stick to REAL LIFE!)
  2. Spend more time on myself ( hats are not there to cover bad hair sins all the time).
  3. Believe in myself more and stop selling myself short. (conversations starting with “Gosh I can be so lazy… shy…blah blah BORED!)
  4. Money Management – (do I really need another pair of shoes?)
  5. Healthy eating: If you eat ready meals for lunch every day and do no exercise you will eventually get fat. NUFF Said!

Goals for 2011

  1. New year = new job. I have done the same job for four years now and frankly I need a  challenge (and more money) I am hoping that once I finish my course in June I will have something lined up. Part of that means making more effort networking and zoning in on what exactly I want to do.
  2. Leave online dating in 2010. As much as I think online dating is a good way to meet people, It is not the only WAY! So this year I am taking down the match.com profile and every month I will try a new way to meet men. All will be documented here!
  3. We all know that 2011 is going to be a tough year financially so it is time to get my finances in order and pay off that overdraft. Goodbye big spender! Hello Miss Frugality 🙂
  4. Get out more! London is the best city in the world I sincerely believe that and in order to have a perspective I need to be out there seeing it all…
  5. Exercise. I can’t promise to stick to this one but if I can back into walking everywhere that might be a good start.

So there you are my five goals for 2011. I am excited already, hopefully I can stick it out.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Lanky Girl