Tag Archives: love

Dating A Workaholic – The Love Doctor Answers

Dear Love Doctor,

 So here is my problem. I recently met a lovely guy who I am reluctant to admit I am smitten with. He seems to be a great catch, kind and funny and fit to boot. However, there is the problem that he does seem to be a bit of a workaholic. He is launching a new business which takes up all of his time and he works 7 days a week. He did admit to me that it would be very difficult to make time to see me.What do you think should i really try to date this guy when he doesn’t have time to see me?

 Jennifer

Dear Jennifer,

Thanks for your letter, but this really does seem a bit of a no brainer doesn’t it?

You say you are smitten and what a great catch he is… but don’t say how he feels, although his lack of enthusiasm to see you seems a little evident surely, and anyway, how great a catch is a guy that cant make time for you? Not that great in the long term I would suspect.

My advice is simple, sit down with this guy and have a frank conversation with him. He either makes time for you in his busy work/life schedule or you walk away, its as simple as that, as I suspect you are just setting yourself up to get hurt.

However busy he is, if he sees something in you, as you do in him, he will make that time, and that’s proper time, not just a little casual affair time. If he can’t or wont, then you now know how he feels and views you and your potential for the future. Good luck

WP

 

Free-for-all-to-attend Lovestruck Laissez Faire Drinks – Review

So yesterday a friend and I made our way to Shoreditch for the Lovestruck London’s mass mingle of singles in the Hoxton Pony. My friend had convinced me that this would be different from other singles events, as there would be no silly games to be played or speed dates. The way that it works is, that if you are single and don’t mind being approached you take a red straw for your drink. We got there around 6.30pm and the bar was fairly quiet, looking around it seemed to be mostly women. Oh dear.. I thought, guess its going to be short dip in the pool then. We got our cocktails, sat down and an hour later the bar was packed!

Looking around we didn’t see many red straws about. Maybe most of the people there were afraid to take one as we were haha! Most of the men there I have to say were either in their  late 30’s or simply not to our tastes but it was interesting to watch the unfolding connections around us. We did see two guys who I’ve nicknamed tag team, who spent the night helping each other to collect numbers. So all in all it wasn’t a bad night. I think that I would go again and it does seem like a cool, low key way to meet people. Maybe next time I will have the courage to pick up a red straw.

What is my guy hiding?

So following this weeks dating theme our new love doctor WP will be answering a question that women commonly ask. “Can I trust this guy?”. If you have any dating dilemmas you can email Jdperspective@gmail.com. Questions will be treated anonymously. Also for those of you who think I write this stuff YOU would be very wrong! WP and JD are close guy friends of mine who have kindly decided to share some dating secrets men don’t want you to know! So get you pen and start writing in.

Dear Lanky Girl,

How can you tell if the man you are with is really married? I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3months. Its been a whirlwind of a romance but I’m starting to become suspicious that he is too good to be true. He works for the same company but in their international department so he is travelling a lot. He never answers his phone in the evenings and whenever I ask him what he was doing he says he was with a client. I’ve never been to his flat as he always suggests we spend time at mine. He also only ever wants to go to the same places in West London. Am I being paranoid? I am wondering what signs I should be looking for?

Susannah.


Dear Susannah

No, i do not think you are being paranoid! This guy is obviously hiding something, either that, or he just does not take you seriously at all.

If he works for the same company as you, can you not make some discreet enquiries? or just Google him, it’s amazing what comes up on any of us.

Speak to him and say you want him to cook you dinner for a change (or if he objects you will cook) but it must be at his place. If he doesn’t like the idea find out why? Say to him, it’s very very important to you that you can imagine him at home when you are not together, and anyway, you want to know him inside out and that includes his home life.

Also, ask for his number at home, just for emergencies, and home address, say you want to send him something as a surprise.

Finally, chat to him about his friends, and then say it would be great if you and him could go out with his best friend and girlfriend/wife/partner as a foursome for dinner. Does he look comfortable with this idea? Say you want to see all sides of him, which includes his friends.

Essentially, for anyone dating, if after 3 months of semi-serious dating you haven’t been to his place (and been allowed to drop in at short notice in the future) met some of his friends (or even family) and been able to telephone him at any time of the evening (never trust a guy that says they prefer to just text!) they are hiding something. It doesn’t necessarily mean he is married, but he is definitely holding back in the relationship for some reason.

Resolve your doubts quickly Susannah.

WP

Single in the city…

It’s funny how one week you are thinking how wonderful the single life is (me last week) and then the next you are thinking isn’t it about time you met someone! It’s funny because many of my girlfriends are feeling quite similar so we have decided to do something about it and get meeting some men! A friend who lives outside London said to me over the phone the other day that it was weird that in London people have to come up with new and weird ways to meet others. So true! with over 7 million people you would think it would be easy to meet a bloke in this city. (I blame our tendency to not talk to each other). Anyway it’s not about meeting any guy..its about meeting the “right” guy. After trying internet dating last year I’ve decided to stick to real life as most men online seemed to be cut from the same cloth. The “I don’t have time to date properly so I will go online and find a shag cloth”…sigh… NEXT! Not that I am saying that people haven’t met their future mates online. Just prefer things a little more spontaneous. Anyway before I go off on one, just what are the options for singles in this city we live in? Here I list some ways to meet guys that doesn’t include speed dating!

Take a flirt tour

The tube especially is a goldmine for candy, eye candy that is.. but who is brave or crazy enough to take those eye connections to the next level. Meet Jean Smith a Flirtologist who reckons she can transform you into a flirt expert. “Learn the ʻthree methods of attackʼ, which are three ways to meet anyone, and practice using them at London institutions such as Galleries, and even supermarkets. Catch the sights of London while at the same time learning how to catch the sight of a potential partner”.

For more information and to book a tour visit http://www.flirtology.co.uk/london-flirting-walking-tours

Meddlers Of Honor

So what is a meddler? Well I would describe it as a person who  facilitates introductions with people who have expressed an interest in each other.  Meddlers events happen once a month and are basically a large informal parties where everyone is single and the ratio of men to women is equal. Basically if you see a guy you like you can get one of the Meddlers to help make an introduction. No tacky games just people meeting other people. Beware! tickets sell out quickly.

For more information and to book tickets visit http://www.meddlersofhonour.com/

Citysocialising

Citysocialising is a website that people can post meetups and invite others to come along. It is sold primarily as a friendship site but with the sheer volume of events you can choose from there is every chance that you will meet someone nice at one. They often also organise Mass mingles a great place to make new friends. A good site to use  if you just moved to the city and don’t know many people yet.

For more information visit http://london.citysocialising.com/home.html

Mysinglefriend Parties

Basically the way this works is you throw a party with the instructions that everyone who comes must bring a single friend. Simple! Let the sparks fly!

DISCLAIMER! this may fail if all your friends only have female friends!

So will I be trying any of these routes? Well we will have to see as I see myself retreating back to single bliss while uni is so full on….

Dear JD – How can you tell if a guy is really married?

Dear JD,

How can you tell if the man you are with is really married? I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3months. Its been a whirlwind of a romance but I’m starting to become suspicious that he is too good to be true. We both work for the same company but he is in the international department so he is travelling a lot. He never answers his phone in the evenings and whenever I ask him what he was doing he says he was with a client. I have never been to his flat as he always suggests we spend time at mine. He also only ever wants to go to the same places in West London. Am I being paranoid? I am wondering what signs I should be looking for?
Susannah.

Read JD’s advice in tomorrow’s post….

Reminiscing…Trip to Paris

Continuing the holiday theme this week I was looking through my holiday snaps from a couple of years ago when a friend and I spent a lovely weekend in Paris. It was my first trip to the city and for someone who is a self-confessed francophile It lived up to everything that I imagined. It even inspired me to make a very short video advertising Dating direct LOL. Okay I am not going to pretend that I have a career in advertising ahead of me, but it was good fun. I must try to take a quick trip across the channel this year!

Idealised version of married life…

Everybody knows that couple that even after years together still looks at each other lovingly and treats each other with warmth and kindness. A friend of mine sent this to me at work today.  Taken from the film UP this clip follows a couple’s life together until the inevitable time comes when they have to part. Warning if you are of the tearful type get some tissues!

Dear JD, I feel like my boyfriend is sponging off me..

Dear JD,

I feel weird writing this but I hoping that you could help me. I am a 29-year-old qualified solicitor and I’ve been seeing this lovely guy for just over 3 years now. Last year we decided to move into together. We get on very well on most levels except the fact that we recently have been arguing a lot over money. Since I earn more than he does (he is  a gardener) I tend to pay the bulk of the expenses at home the bills etc.. but recently I feel like he is taking me for granted. He never takes me out for meals any more and spends most of his money on video games and complains he is always skint. I don’t want to lose him but how can I get him to pay me more attention?

Elsa, Brighton.


Dear Elsa,

My advice Elsa is this. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him exactly what’s on your mind, he doesn’t know how you feel, he probably thinks everything is just fine. Men are often oblivious creatures so you need to spell out the situation to him. Your financial  situation is more complex, do you have bank account together? Maybe get one and both contribute proportionally to what you earn. Don’t let this issue become divisive in your relationship. It’s really not that important. Communicate, and it will be cool.
Good luck.

JD.

Got a dating question? Want a guy’s perspective? Email: jdperspective@gmail.com