Tag Archives: relationships

Commitment Phobic guys – the love doctor gives his verdict!

Dear WP,

 How can I stop attracting commitment phobic men! It’s been 5 years since I actually had a proper boyfriend and frankly I am fed up with meeting guys who convince me that they really like me only for when I start to push for something a little bit more serious they either decide that they just want to be friends or that “they aren’t ready for a relationship”.

I don’t know if it’s me but I can’t seem to keep a man interested long enough to become a boyfriend. Help!

Symone

Dear Symone

You say it is 5 years since you last had a proper boyfriend and yet you seem to have been involved in this time with a succession of commitment phobic guys or men you simply cannot keep interested. My first questions to you would be where you are meeting these men? and what attracts you to this particular sort in the first place?

There are guys out there who are totally commitment phobic, but there are also a lot more that want nothing more than to be in a loving and committed relationship with the woman of their dreams.

Maybe you should just relax and not try to be in a relationship so much and just see what comes your way when you date people from a different kind of arena than you are currently prowling. Meet people, including guys, from clubs, associations or groups that interest you, so join some with a friend maybe and meet people you actually have a common interest with already. There are also some good dating websites for people who are just looking for a committed relationship and not a fling.

If you also still meet a guy in a bar or at work that you like then this is fine also, but maybe you shouldn’t try to get him into a relationship. You can’t ‘push’ for a relationship to be more serious, it either is or it isn’t and if it is, a regular guy will want to talk to you about it at some point anyway, with neither party forcing the issue, but rather two people chatting about the exciting possibilities ahead.

Finally, sit yourself down and have a very honest chat with yourself one evening about the guys you have dated over the last 5 years. What is it about them that initially attracted you and why… and what was so different about your last proper boyfriend 5 years ago? because i have a suspicion that there is something in you that likes a certain type, unfortunately one of the traits of this particular type that you like is that they are just not looking for a long term relationship! so shouldn’t be your type in the first place, and yet you seem to think they are.

So, be completely and brutally honest with yourself and say what attracted you to them in the first place and i think then you will see the reason why you keep dating this type… and then it is up to you to change, and maybe look for someone different but better and maybe who has less obvious qualities when you meet them.

Good luck!

WP

Dear WP how can I spot a commitment phobic man?

http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mbc/lowres/mbcn2038l.jpg

Today’s question is  fairly common one that comes up when talking to my female friends.  Just how can a girl get a guy to commit? Well hopefully our love doctor can give us insight into why some men come on strong before running away. If you have any questions for our resident love doctor WP you can email them at jdperspective@gmail.com all questions will be posted on the blog but names will remain anonymous.

Dear WP,

 How can I stop attracting commitment phobic men! It’s been 5 years since I actually had a proper boyfriend and frankly I am fed up with meeting guys who convince me that they really like me only for when I start to push for something a little bit more serious they either decide that they just want to be friends or that “they aren’t ready for a relationship”.

I don’t know if it’s me but I can’t seem to keep a man interested long enough to become a boyfriend. Help!

Symone

 Our love doctor’s answer will appear in tomorrow’s post however the floor is open for any comments or answers to this dilemma.

What is my guy hiding?

So following this weeks dating theme our new love doctor WP will be answering a question that women commonly ask. “Can I trust this guy?”. If you have any dating dilemmas you can email Jdperspective@gmail.com. Questions will be treated anonymously. Also for those of you who think I write this stuff YOU would be very wrong! WP and JD are close guy friends of mine who have kindly decided to share some dating secrets men don’t want you to know! So get you pen and start writing in.

Dear Lanky Girl,

How can you tell if the man you are with is really married? I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3months. Its been a whirlwind of a romance but I’m starting to become suspicious that he is too good to be true. He works for the same company but in their international department so he is travelling a lot. He never answers his phone in the evenings and whenever I ask him what he was doing he says he was with a client. I’ve never been to his flat as he always suggests we spend time at mine. He also only ever wants to go to the same places in West London. Am I being paranoid? I am wondering what signs I should be looking for?

Susannah.


Dear Susannah

No, i do not think you are being paranoid! This guy is obviously hiding something, either that, or he just does not take you seriously at all.

If he works for the same company as you, can you not make some discreet enquiries? or just Google him, it’s amazing what comes up on any of us.

Speak to him and say you want him to cook you dinner for a change (or if he objects you will cook) but it must be at his place. If he doesn’t like the idea find out why? Say to him, it’s very very important to you that you can imagine him at home when you are not together, and anyway, you want to know him inside out and that includes his home life.

Also, ask for his number at home, just for emergencies, and home address, say you want to send him something as a surprise.

Finally, chat to him about his friends, and then say it would be great if you and him could go out with his best friend and girlfriend/wife/partner as a foursome for dinner. Does he look comfortable with this idea? Say you want to see all sides of him, which includes his friends.

Essentially, for anyone dating, if after 3 months of semi-serious dating you haven’t been to his place (and been allowed to drop in at short notice in the future) met some of his friends (or even family) and been able to telephone him at any time of the evening (never trust a guy that says they prefer to just text!) they are hiding something. It doesn’t necessarily mean he is married, but he is definitely holding back in the relationship for some reason.

Resolve your doubts quickly Susannah.

WP

Dear JD, I feel like my boyfriend is sponging off me..

Dear JD,

I feel weird writing this but I hoping that you could help me. I am a 29-year-old qualified solicitor and I’ve been seeing this lovely guy for just over 3 years now. Last year we decided to move into together. We get on very well on most levels except the fact that we recently have been arguing a lot over money. Since I earn more than he does (he is  a gardener) I tend to pay the bulk of the expenses at home the bills etc.. but recently I feel like he is taking me for granted. He never takes me out for meals any more and spends most of his money on video games and complains he is always skint. I don’t want to lose him but how can I get him to pay me more attention?

Elsa, Brighton.


Dear Elsa,

My advice Elsa is this. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him exactly what’s on your mind, he doesn’t know how you feel, he probably thinks everything is just fine. Men are often oblivious creatures so you need to spell out the situation to him. Your financial  situation is more complex, do you have bank account together? Maybe get one and both contribute proportionally to what you earn. Don’t let this issue become divisive in your relationship. It’s really not that important. Communicate, and it will be cool.
Good luck.

JD.

Got a dating question? Want a guy’s perspective? Email: jdperspective@gmail.com